The last thing I remember before seeing stars and losing consciousness was having an argument about not wanting to go. I don’t really know where I didn’t want to go, but I do remember the thought of going made me want to crawl in a hole or regurgitate something not meant for my intestinal tract. As I started to awaken from being out, I recall smelling flowers.
Dizzy and Disoriented
By now I realized that I had been forced to go wherever it was I didn’t want to go… Still disoriented and void of energy, I started to rely on my senses to give me an idea of where I had been adult-knapped to. Why was I so opposed to coming here? I mean it seems nice; smells like flowers, nice music, and what the?! Whoever dressed me did not match my belt with my shoes. Perfect.
Sitting in the back of what looked to be a church, I could see the tail end of a line that extended all the way to the front where a pastor was standing. I shuddered to think I could be at a funeral. I mean clergy are often found at such places right? ((sniff, sniff)) and flowers…((sniff))… good eats, perhaps hors d’oeuvres? Alright, I admit now I’m starting to salivate. If anything can motivate me to get up and check things out that’s it.
The moment of truth
I stumble to my feet to discover the line of people were not in fact getting their last glimpse of a dead person but rather to greet the bride and groom! Now I remember why I didn’t want to come.
Weddings are special and all but honestly, it’s hard to get excited about a wedding of people you barely know. They were our neighbors and they did bring by those cookies that one time.
The more I think about it, weddings really can be a lot like funerals. At a wedding reception you say goodbye to the bride and groom just like you would to a passed loved one, because you know you’re not going to be seeing them for a while. How many of us lose friends to a marriage? Something happens to them; almost as bizarre as an alien abduction.
Believe it or not, mourning does happen at weddings too! I know, shocker! I’ve witnessed this first hand. How often are there people, even if only a few, that just don’t agree the bride or the groom is meant for each other?; That somehow one of them was making a wrong choice.
Conversely, I’ve been to funerals before where people were as smiley as I’ve ever seen them. Some I’m sure were beneficiaries of the deceased, while others genuinely happy. Happy to see people they haven’t seen in a long time, happy to know whoever was taking the proverbial “dirt nap”, was not suffering anymore.
Of course you have the obligatory speeches honoring the dead and the living, people carrying heavy stuff (pallbearers and the groom), a specially prepared car, organs (musical or appendages), music, flowers, pictures, and then there’s the stuff that makes all the waiting worth it.
Food
At least some of you were thinking booze, but not in my family. Consuming delicious food occupies the thoughts of many of the attendees- almost to the point of olfactory overload. Whether funeral potatoes or finger foods to die for, both ceremonies warrant the best cuisine money can afford.
I know I haven’t exhausted all of the similarities between the two but for me, the BIGGEST one is that I simply LOATHE going to them. It would be more enjoyable to jump in a barrel of skunks, scrub toilets, watch C-SPAN, or maybe listen to a Celine Dion album on repeat. Am I not the only one?!
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